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> I said no and I meant it |
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I said no and I meant it
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We have all done it. Well, maybe not the
few perfect parents out there but for
the rest of us... we say "no" to our
children only to allow them to change
our mind. When the "yes" comes out of
our mouths, we usually regret it but...
too late.
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And, for
those few perfect parents out there, (the ones that have
perfected effective parenting skills) although we cheer you,
please keep your perfection to yourself! See, we actually
admire your parenting skills but we just don't want to know
about it. In comparison, we would just feel worse! We know
we have good parenting skills, we just haven't had the
energy to perfect them, yet!
So, here are the dreaded words... that come out of OUR
MOUTHS!Well, okay, but just this time. Don't ask
again!!!!!
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Sound familiar? And we wonder why our children won't accept
the answer the first time. And, although it isn't ha ha
funny, it is truly humorous that we are amazed and
frustrated at how often the children push our "no" into
"yes". We absolutely know it is because we give in too many
times but we just don't have the energy to argue out the
issue.
So, how do we get our children to respect our answer "No"
the first time? Easy, say "NO" and mean it. It isn't open
for discussion.
Most of us have experienced the store scenes... we say "No",
the child throws a fit and either we give in or we think the
world suspects we're horrible parents.
Either way, so-be-it!
All too often we forget we are the parents and allowed to
make the decisions. Some decisions we encourage the children
to make, but that too is our decision. If we fail to take
control, how can we expect any different from our children?
When your child is asking something that you are unprepared
to answer, tell them that you will think about it. At that
point, tell the child when you will give them an answer. If
the child pesters you by bringing it up again, give them one
and only one warning. A simple warning that will only take
once to be effective: "If you ask me again before____, I
will give you the opposite answer of what you want." If they
ask again, make your point and turn the request down. Of
course it will be painful, but it should only take once. If
not, keep up the consistency until they take you seriously.
 If you are asked a question and decide to say "No," look
directly in the eyes of your child or speak lovingly, but
firmly on the phone and say "No." If you choose to explain,
that is fine, but be careful. Once you start explaining too
much, that leaves room for debate. You must say "No," give a
short explanation as to why, and end the conversation. The
child may pursue you and attempt to engage in a discussion
as to why you are wrong and they are right. Don't allow it.
Listen attentively, give them a hug, tell them you heard
them but the answer remains "No" and there will be no
further discussion. If you need to, walk away. But do not
offer any further discussion regarding the subject. If they
still continue, ignore them. It will be hard, but if you
stick to your decisions they will become final, for real!
Chris Lowrey, Author and Editor of Family Time Charm - A
truly unique family magazine. Family Time Charm is
absolutely designed for the entire family.
For more parenting articles, fun games for kids and
educational activities for all,
visit our website:
http://www.familytimecharm.com
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